Retail
SCENE: THE HUNTER CONFERENCE ROOM ARRANGED IN THE MANNER OF A FASHION SHOW. THERE IS A STAGE IN THE BACKGROUND WITH A RUNWAY EXTENDING INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE AUDIENCE AREA. TO ONE SIDE OF THE STAGE IS A LECTERN WITH MICROPHONE.
JASON VAN DE CURLING-TONG, THE MASTER OF CEREMONIES, ATTENDS THE LECTERN.
JASON: Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen; representatives of the volume retail trade.
(Jason sweeps his arm, with a flourish, toward the stage curtain, which is picked out by a spotlight)
JASON: (continued) The 2009 range of mobile retail acquisition solutions.
THE CURTAINS PART AND A BLOND BIMBO FLOUNCES ONTO THE STAGE PUSHING A SHOPPING TROLLEY. THE BIMBO PROCEDES DOWN THE RUNWAY.
JASON: The Caravelle, ladies and gentlemen. Lightweight construction with four point hydro-lastic muti-turn wheels.
NODS OF APPROVAL FROM THE CROWD AS THE BIMBO REACHES THE END OF THE RUNWAY AND SWEEPS THE TROLLEY IN AN ARC (HOVER LAWN MOWER STYLE) AND THEN PROCESSES BACK UP THE RUNWAY.
JASON: The Ambassador.
A HEAVIER BUILT LADY ENTERS PUSHING A LARGE TROLLEY.
JASON: Deep fill with shopping list clip-board attachment.
MORE NODS OF APPROVAL AS THE HEAVIER LADY PASSES THE BIMBO HALF WAY ALONG THE RUNWAY. AT THE END OF THE RUNWAY, SHE SPINS THE TROLLEY 360 DEGREES WITH A FLICK OF HER HAND, DRAWING GASPS OF AMAZEMENT FROM THE AUDIENCE.
JASON: The Buckingham.
A QUEEN ELIZIBETH 11 LOOK-ALIKE ENTERS THE STAGE. DRESSED IN ERMINE ROBES AND WEARING A CROWN. SHE IS PUSHING A GOLD PLATED TROLLEY. LOUD GASPS ARE HEARD FROM THE AUDIENCE.
JASON: Gold plated with medium fill basket. The Buckingham incorporates Queue Jumper technology, as standard.
THE QUEEN PASSES THE HEAVY LADY HALF WAY ALONG THE RUNWAY, AND CONTINUES TO THE END.
JASON: The Birkenhead.
AN OLDER LADY WEARING HEAD SCARF, OVERCOAT AND BEDROOM SLPPERS ENTERS. SHE IS PUSHING A SLIGHLY SMALLER TROLLEY.
JASON: Shallow fill basket with anti theft detection. The handle incorporates a laminated finger print reader and CS gas dispenser.
THE OLD LADY PASSES THE QUEEN WHOSE TROLLEY EXTENDS AN HYDRAULIC RAM, PUSHING THE OLD LADY OFF COURSE.
JASON: The Queue Jumper, ladies and gentlemen.
THE OLD LADY REACHES THE END OF THE RUNWAY WHERE SHE IS FLANKED BY TWO SHOP LIFTING DETECTION PANELS. SHE PUSHES THE TROLLEY BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THEM IN THE MANNER OF A TRADITIONAL LAWN MOWER.
SOUND FX: BEEP-BEEP-BEEP BEEP-BEEP-BEEP
JASON: The Bank Holiday Voyager.
A LADY ENTERS PUSHING A HUGE TROLLEY WITH A CRANE JIB AND GRAB BUCKET ATTACHMENT. THE HUGE TROLLEY HAS TO WAIT TO ALLOW THE OLD LADY TO RETURN UP THE RUNWAY.
JASON: Not a trolley, ladies and gentlemen. A portable abyss!
THE LARGE TROLLEY REACHES THE END OF THE RUNWAY AND IS THEN JOINED BY THE OTHER TROLLEYS TO FORM A GROUP POSE.
JASON: And now the creator, ladies and gentlemen. All the way from Milan, createaur du trolley, Fabrizzi McClarren!
FABRIZZI, WEARING A GOLD SUIT, RIDICULOUS WIG AND BEAMING A RADIANT GRIN, MINCES DOWN THE RUNWAY PUSHING A VERY SMALL TROLLEY.
JASON: Fabrizzi McClarren, ladies and gentlemen.
FABRIZZI TAKES THE APPLAUSE.
THERE IS A DISTURBANCE IN THE AUDIENCE, A PROTESTOR APPEARS.
PROTESTOR: What about the small trader? What about high street shops that are being squeezed to extinction because of all these mega retail stores, eh?
THE LIGHTS DIM AND A SPOT LIGHT CENTRES ON THE STAGE CURTAINS. THEY SWISH OPEN TO A FANFARE OF TRUMPETS REVEALING A TALL MAN WEARING A TURBAN AND HEAVY OVERCOAT. THE MAN WALKS TO THE END OF THE RUNWAY AS THE SHOPPING TROLLEYS PART TO LET HIM THROUGH. THERE IS A DRUM ROLL AND THE MAN REACHES INSIDE HIS COAT, THRUSTING FORWARD…
A WIRE FRAME SHOPPING BASKET
JASON: Ladies and gentlemen. The Ali Baba!
End of broadcast
I do miss you Dave xxx
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